Bay Area wimp. Shaves his chest. Eats tofu. Burns scented candles. Yes, we know, had to raise a kid...and wasn't even his. Life sucks, we know, but you're gonna help us through it all. Pay our toll to get over the Bay Bridge so we can drop our kids at St. Francis (Fillmore and Broadway, $35,000 tuition) in SF, Pacific Heights. OK, so you send your brother to Berkeley High, public school (what's the property tax for North Berkely three-bedrooms?) we get it. Life is hard.
Quit writing memoirs. You AND Jewel. Memoirs are for astonauts and Presidents. Who ar you? Besides, memoirs are easy. Write about the future or the present, not your past. Ain't that what real writers do? The past, yes, but not your past; this is called "keeping" a diary.
I'm just jealous, you know. Eggers, I really don't think you're a fraud. I just think you're a lucky fraud. Late.
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( 2.8 / 516 )The Morro Bay book signing was a total flop. And to think, on the day that my boy Norman Mailer finally went upstairs to go toe to toe with the big Man. I won't lie. I never cared much for Mailer. Thought he was a blowhard, really. So I'll blame the poor turnout on Mailer. He cursed me and I only sold five copies, all to persons I know, because I eat quiche, and as you know, according to Mailer, real mean don't eat quiche. I will shock the world. It's just gonna take some time. Thanks to all those who came out today. One year from now you can sell your book on eBay for 100-fold what you paid for it...OK, maybe ten years.
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( 2.3 / 545 )Dear Mr. Hannah:
My name is Carson Medley. I am a native Mississippian, born in Oxford and raised in Jackson—where I was once Eudora Welty’s paperboy. I attended Ole Miss for one year before heeding to Mark Twain’s advice not to let schooling interfere with my education, and literally adhered to Jack Kerouac’s urges and went on the road. I am now a lecturer in the English department at Cal Poly and Cuesta College in San Luis Obispo, California. I have just published my first novel, Ain’t Whistlin’ Dixie No More, and have enclosed a signed copy for you. I have always been a big fan of yours; in fact, the day I left Mississippi, I was reading Airships.
I have heard that you are a friend of the struggling author. Well, per the recent article I have enclosed along with my novel, I have been on one hell of a long ride to get my novel out in the public—an eight-year struggle. I tried for many years to find a publisher, but, over and over again, I was told that while both the magnitude of the story and strength of the writing were superior, there would be a lack of audience. Ultimately, my novel sounded too much like a novel with an “African-American audience” in mind. My novel is a“Hip-Hop” kind of novel, much of the dialogue written in Black English Vernacular (BEV), that both delights and instructs while not abandoning the artist’s responsibility; it is my belief that good art should confront and not merely be escapist. I was told that I lacked the necessary “ethos” to attract black audiences because a “white man” wrote the novel. Nevertheless, I decided to start a new trend in publishing: the independent novel. I know that you have a reputation for helping struggling artists, and I was hoping that, well, you might lend an exiled southerner a hand.
I hope to be an inspiration for all novelists out there who can’t seem to get a break. After years of struggling with agents and publishing houses, I decided to take control and self-publish through iUniverse, who has strategic alliances with Barnes & Noble, Inc. I believe the indie book industry is about fifteen-years behind the indie rock and indie film industries. I know the odds are against me, but I believe I can do for writers what Dave Matthews did for musicians: be the first to sell more than a million copies of an independent debut novel, just like he did with his debut independent album Remember Two Things. But I realize what Matthews realized—that talent is only piece of the puzzle. Not unlike Matthews who went out and assembled the best talent he could with limited resources, that’s what I had to do with Ain’t Whistlin’ Dixie No More. My editor, a local poet who just received his BA in English one year ago, was paid $12 an hour; I took a photo of a tombstone from a Natchez, Mississippi, antebellum gravesite and paid a local graphic artist in town around $300 to turn the photo into the book cover; a student designed my website for $200; my friends and wife, compensated in pizza and beer, took most of the photos on the website; I have no marketing team let alone a marketing budget; I currently have no agent; and I orchestrated everything while teaching English Composition full-time, six classes, at Cal Poly and the local community college. All I need now is a break and a little bit of good luck.
Mr. Hannah, if you can find the time, I urge you to please at least take a look at my Author’s Note. I am hoping that will be enough to encourage you to read on. And, if you like the novel, perhaps you could write a review for me. I plan on coming to Oxford this summer to do a book signing at Square Books; an endorsement from the reigning king of Southern literature would do wonders to not only boost my ego which, as I am sure you know, the publishing world can mash into grits, but also get the word out about my novel.
Thank you so much for your time, and thanks again for inspiring me over the years. I hope to meet you in person this summer. First round of drinks on me at City Grocery, and I’ll tell you a few stories about Miss Welty that’ll bring a smile to your face.
Carson Medley
www.aintwhistlindixienomore.com
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( 3 / 366 )Dear Mr. Lee:
Greetings. My name is Carson Medley. I am an English professor at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, California, and I have recently published my first novel, Ain’t Whistlin’ Dixie No More. Your work has been a great inspiration to me over the years. Accordingly, I have dedicated my novel to you and a few others whose company I think you will like to keep. I have enclosed a copy of the novel and a story that was recently written about both the novel and myself. I hope that you will at least read the Author’s Note for the novel. If so, I have no doubt you will be encouraged to read the first few chapters and thus decide to invest the time to finish.
I tried for many years to find a publisher, but, over and over again, I was told that while both the magnitude of the story and strength of the writing were superior, there would be a lack of audience. Ultimately, my novel sounded too much like a novel with an “African-American audience” in mind. Additionally, I was told that I lacked the necessary “ethos” to attract black audiences because a “white man” wrote the novel. Nevertheless, I decided to start a new trend in publishing: the independent novel. I know that you have a reputation for helping struggling artists, and I was hoping that, well, you might be able to help me.
I hope to be an inspiration for all novelists out there who can’t seem to get a break. After years of struggling with agents and publishing houses, I decided to take control and self-publish through iUniverse, who has strategic alliances with Barnes & Noble, Inc. I believe the indie book industry is about fifteen-years behind the indie rock and indie film industries. I know the odds are against me, but I believe I can do for writers what you did for filmmakers with She’s Gotta Have It. Not unlike your first film that was a grass roots kind of effort, I, too, had to assemble the best talent I could with limited resources to get Ain’t Whistlin’ Dixie No More out there. My editor, a local poet who just received his BA in English one year ago, was paid $12 an hour; I took a photo of a tombstone from a Natchez, Mississippi, antebellum gravesite and paid a local graphic artist in town around $300 to turn the photo into the book cover; a student designed my website for $200; my friends and wife, compensated in pizza and beer, took most of the photos on the website; I have no marketing team let alone a marketing budget; I currently have no agent; and I orchestrated everything while teaching English Composition full-time, six classes, at Cal Poly and the local community college. All I need now is a break and a little bit of good luck.
Thank you so much for your time, and thanks again for inspiring me over the years.
Carson Medley
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( 2.9 / 316 )The dream came true last Saturday: I signed copies of my book at Barnes and Noble. Granted, I only sold 30 copies, and most of them were to former and present students, bless their hearts, but, nevertheless, I was in a bookstore. And, of course, only one member out of, like, 80 English faculty came out to support me. But this is all a start. Selling 30 copies of a novel in a quasi-illiterate town that voted down the bond that would have given the library new books and essentially kept it open is one hell of a feat, don't you think? I had hoped to sell at least 50 copies. Glen Starkey of the New Times, circulation 40,000, ran one hell of an article on me a few days prior to the novel; he was really pushing me as the poster by for the indie novel. Next week I will be in my first independent book store, Coalesce, in Morro Bay, so that'll be interesting. Hopefully the community will find some love.
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( 2.9 / 275 )
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